So am I some kind of throwback to an earlier time, or what?

A lot of my advice and opinions sound like they might come from the early 1900's:  love is not all, marry a rich man, all men are looking for is a pretty face. The late 20th century/21st century view in the U.S. is that we don't need a man to provide for us, we are powerful ourselves; he doesn't have to be of any particular social class, you can just pick him for his (effable or ineffable) personal and spiritual qualities, and any man who cares only about looks is shallow and a jerk.

When I first became acquainted with evolutionary psychology, in the early 90's, I found a lot of this stuff offensive too. As a young woman, I would have burned the books: no quarter given for reactionary assholes.

Here's the thing: we are talking about human nature here, our unconscious feelings and thought processes. If you are interested but skeptical, look up this book: The Moral Animal by Robert Wright. Or The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond, or How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker. Your public library will have all these books, and they are all worth reading (although if you read them one after the other there will be quite a bit of repetition). One of the big points made by Robert Wright in The Moral Animal is that heredity is not destiny: just because something is a natural tendency doesn't mean we have to do it. We also have a behavioral tendency to grab things we want, and to hurt people who have hurt us, but we learn to control those behaviors.

But: it is much easier to work with nature than against it, and if you choose to marry a man who is not pre-rich, because you are happy with the lifestyle that comes with doing something worthwhile, like teaching, then go for it. But if you understand the issues, you can make better, more conscious choices.

And speaking of rich men vs. not: if I had it to do over, and slightly different circumstances, I think I would choose to stay home with my kids. Not because it is necessary, but because two jobs plus kids is really not fun. You are way overworked, tired, and stressed. And spending time with your kids is some of the best time you'll ever have, because kids are joyful, and as a parent you can share that joy with them. Which is not to say that kids are not also difficult, stressful, etc, etc, because they are. But if you are working and hanging out with your friends how much Joy do you experience, as opposed to pleasure, satisfaction, and the exhilarating but kind of gross feelings of partying? Not, I will venture, a lot.