OMG I'm so fat!

Weight is a dangerous and difficult topic for women in the modern world. It is so critical to how people see us, and how we see ourselves, and yet...it is much harder to control than people think it is. If they develop a safe pill to keep us at our ideal weight, I will certainly be taking it.

If you have significant weight issues, I strongly recommend that you get, and read, this book: The Dieter's Dilemma: Eating Less and Weighing More, by William Bennett, M.D. and Joel Gurin. (It is out of print, and probably not in your public library, but you can find it, used, online). The book was published in 1984, and all (or almost all) of the research in it has been confirmed, over time, but most people, most doctors, and most diet experts are STILL not on the right page. I think this is because 1) if you are thin, you are happy to believe that it is because you are virtuous; 2) because people really, really want to believe that weight is something you can control, with a little willpower; and 3) it seems to make sense, that weight is a simple arithmetic function of calories in minus calories out.

It's not like that. At all.

Our bodies have a setpoint, which is called that because it is like the setting on your thermostat--it is a weight that your body, in some sense, wants to maintain. If you stuff yourself on purpose to gain weight, most people (though not all), will without trying return to near their original weight after they stop paying attention; and if you diet to lose weight, and then you stop paying attention, you will gain it back, plus often a bit more for good measure. The setpoint has a strong hereditary component: adopted children resemble their biological parents in weight, much more than their adoptive parents, and identical twins resemble each other more than fraternal twins.

The body's first and strongest line of defense in maintaining the fat it wants to have, is hunger, and lack of satiety (the feeling of being full, or satisfied), but if that doesn't work, it has other cards up its sleeve. Such as, depressing the metabolism, so that it conserves calories as much as it can. Or by inducing a powerful lassitude (reluctance to move).  In people who have lost a lot of weight by dieting, it takes less and less energy to maintain their weight.  You can think of it this way: if calories are restricted, our bodies (based on five million years of history), think famine, and do everything they can to keep the weight on, and to gain back whatever is lost.

There is one thing that induces the body to lower its setpoint: exercise. A lot of exercise. It varies from person to person, but many women have to exercise two to three hours, or even more, to maintain the body weight they think is correct. (Drugs such as nicotine and amphetamines also change the setpoint, but they have bad side effects. Such as addiction and death.)

Here's the rule on diet and exercise changes: don't do anything that you are not prepared to continue with, forever. Make incremental changes to both diet and exercise patterns.

The best advice on eating is vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, and fruit. Some whole grains, some meat or meat substitute (such as beans, nuts, and tofu). Very little refined sugar and very little added fat. No sweet drinks. This might seem like a painful or boring regime, but it actually is not. After a while your tastes adjust to this diet, and ice cream and cookies don't call to you the way they did.

And the best advice on weight is:

1. eat healthy (see above)
2. exercise an amount that is comfortable for you, and that you can imagine continuing long-term.
3. learn to love your body the way it is. Not easy, but possible. Watch What Not To Wear.  

And advice for girls who have a few extra pounds but not a lot: see immediately above and learn to love it.

There's one bright spot in this tale, besides that you'll really love fruits and vegetables after you make the switch, which is this: most men (not all, but most) don't subscribe to the weight ideals of Hollywood and the fashion magazines. If you have body fat that hangs out on your hips and thighs,  the average man doesn't even see this as a negative.  Muffin top? Most men don't see it, unless you wear low, tight, pants. Find more flattering clothes.

The place where everyone unfortunately agrees that excess fat is bad (you, me, the American Medical Association, the average man) is in the stomach, and I believe that's for the evolutionary (unconscious) reason that a swelling belly in the ancestral environment, where everyone was leaner and not by choice, is a good indicator of pregnancy and a potential waste of sperm (from the gene's eye view). Meaning that men who were indifferent to, or liked, a swelling belly.....had fewer offspring. But even here: there are only a few (generally narcissistic and/or overcontrolling) men who care about a couple of extra pounds.